| Writings |
Rae |
Past |
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But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Please dont try to fake what you dont feel.
If love's already gone,
Its not fair to lead me on.
Cause, i would give the whole world, for you.
Anything you'd ask of me, i'll do.
But i wont ask you to say,
I'd rather walk away.
If your heart's not in it.
hoho.
in the school computer lab.
she's beside me!
:(
oh welll.
tomorrow's sports day.
rocks.
yesterdat we finished the banner!
really bonded through painting the banner together.
and it turned out nice!
yiqin was happy wif it.
all thanks to me.
this superrr efficient soprts rep.
hoho.grins*
running 4 by 4 tomorrow!
super scared.
will be the frist time running 400m in my life.
sighss.
i'm afraid i'll pull the team down la.
aiyah.
life sucks la.
:(
i really feel like banging myhead against the wall.
i think i'm super stupid can.
never seen such a stupider person.
i bet i'm gonna flunk all my exams la.
grrrrrr.
rae wants to see her dear dear.
rae wants to see her dear dear badly.
pouts-
grrr.things making me so frustrated inside.
that womans childish.
whats true love without having the one you truly love.
its so childish can.
ai bu shi zhan you.
ai bu shi zhan you.
get that straight.
hoho.it sounds so stern.
but aint it true
loving one person doesnt mean you must have the person.
seeing the person with the one they truly love, wont you be happy?
thats true love girl.
pinch pinch*
i think shes damn cute.
i think my babys damn cute.
just want to give her a sweet peck on the cheek!
hoho.
the international friendship day dance.
shes looks super ah gong can!
hoho.
that was funny.
been studying in school lately!
aint i guai.
sports days coming!
i'm gonna run 4 by 400.
oh mans.
we have got chinese paper tomorrow.
sulkss.
and one last note.
i'm pregnant.
super bad news can.
:(((((
i missing my baby lotss.
i think shes super cute.
hoho.i love you baby.
like a falling star i fell for you.
hoho.2 more days to chinese exam.
and i'm wasting my time here.
oops.
yesterday was the finals for 4 by 1!
and i didnt warm up nor stretch.
just simply ran.
what a bad run.
chengyi past me the baton like last!
and i had to catch up.
i just couldnt run fast.
sucks totally.
but in the end we got third la.
lifes been good.
now sitting in exam rows.
whee.
i'm away from that moley freak.
grins*
sports days coming.
i think shes still angry wif me ba.
sighs.
shes dancing for international friendship day tomorrow.
laughs*
thats funny can!
i wonder how my silly dear will look.
hoho.
i guess i stop here for now!
met you by surprise
didnt realise that my life wld change forever
hoho.this song.
came to my mind.
first few lines are super meaningful.
english period now!
me and sze ming are supposed to do some argumentive essay
on whether co-education or separate schools for girls and boys is better.
i support separate schools!
guys are a nuisance.
hoho.
there's track meeting later.
oh boos.
later training too.
like exams is coming!
when will trainings stop?
grrrr.
have been slacking for the whole day of today.
i dont know why i'm so happy.
and enthu.
nothings gonna spoil my mood!
whee.
and i love my baby.
she rocks my world totally.
so does rae.
rae rocks totally too.
hoho.
and one last thing!
my class got first for 10x50m!
most credit goes to me.
this good and efficient soprts rep!
muaks baby.muaks muaks.
you're one in a million.
never ever felt this strong.
this love for someone.
i want you tell you.
i love you lotsss baby.
i'm blogging!
in my own room.
great improvement man.
exams are drawing near.
and daddy decided to add a connection in my room.
i bet he wants to tempt me.
chinese exams coming!!
frowns.
i realised how much chinese words i have to learn.
i suck at chinese la.
yesterday.
lao wu had dialogue session wif me.
for the third time in this year.
she threathened me.
one more time i make a mistake.
be it my socks.shoes.skirt.tie.
or whatever.
its straight to the rc.
hmpf.
and my best seniors angry wif me.
i'm really sorry.
i was only kidding can.
:(
tata wasnt here for yesterdays training.
still it was alright.
3o got first or second for 10x50m!
oh man.
all thanks to me.
this efficient sports rep.
hehe.no la.
but i was happy for my class!
yea.thats all ba.
and i want to tell my sister here.
that i love her!!
super alot.
sister you must smile ks.
i'll always be here for you!:)
hoho.
life has been good.
aint coming online so much now.
gonna start mugging for the coming exams.
aint i guai.
anyway.in school now.
later gonna play as a guide and join my mummy and ganma at the guides lounge.
and.i've havent been involoved in war ever since.
dont want us to be affected by such stuff.
and i believe good will prevail evil.
on a note:
shes the evil one.
:)
we have been good too.
woaah!
she's a number 1 slacker can.
she like jogged for her 200m heats yesterday.
and admited that she made a fool out of herself.
shrugs*
but i did well for my 4 by 1.
they said i did well.
i could feel myself pushing!
and tata actually smiled at erm.us.me?
for like the first time in a million years.
so i think i ran well!
berrr was here (:
berr rocks SO MUCH !
tht bitch sucks man !
hoho.i didnt write that.
my best senior just came and anyhow type.
yeaps.
i think emaths is damn fun.
when mrs yeo says parabola
we'll luff!
cos i came up wif some theory abt my partner.
hehe.damn funny!
m=qx is the line of symmetry.
and some damn funny things!
hehe.
shes ugly.
oops.too bad for her la.
like always the first to rush home and stuff.
eyesore of the class?
shrugs*
war has started.
oh wells.
everyday i'm affected by this whole damn thing.
and someone scolded me loser for using juli as my backup can.
what the hell.
and they claim that i'm leaving weird notes in suchen's diary can!
what has gotten between us.
shant say abt it anymore.
grrr.
dragged myself for training.
but the schedule turned out fine.
:)
wasnt that bad.
but afie and fairuz saw.
what they shldnt have seen.
oh man.
shhh.
i had enough.
i had enough of everything.
i aint gonna take it anymore.
i feel so grrr inside.
i'm like going to explode any moment.
all the feelings trapped inside me.
all the anger sadness frustrations.
i wanna scream them out.
i wanna cry them out.
i really wish they can flow out through my blood.
i wanna cut my blood out.
just cut my life up.
i had enough.
i want to end it all.
i feel like dying.
seriously.
i really dont know what to do.
i'm at a loss.
why must this happen to me.
why?tell me why.
grrr.
all the feelings trapped inside.
i need to scream.
firstly.to that damn person who left that note in my gbk.
i'll gonna get you back.
cos you'll never run away.
we got the evidence to pin you down man.
i bet you must be some fren of that shameless woman.
and you dont know the whole situation.
and you start uttering rubbish here.
i bet that shameless woman didnt tell you the whole story did she?
perhaps she didnt want you to know how shameless she is.
all the despicable things she did.
i'll make you regret what you have done.
to scold me a bitch.
talking some nonsense here.
getting yrself involved in this shit.
and find out that all these aint worth it.
all for a shameless bitch.
bare that in mind my fren.
and that woman.
i really wonder how thick her skin is.
doesnt she have a bit of shame in herself.
she has brought enough trouble to the both of us.
she even broke us up.
isnt she happy?
no.shes gonna fight wif me.
she aint gonna give up.
all the damn messages she sent to her.
is she that evil?
is she.
tell me.
aint she shameless.
shes out to break us up again.
i feel damn demolised.and scared.
how can a person.God's creation.be like that.
last time when this whole matter just started.
i kept it low.
i tried to put myself in her shoes.
understanding her situation.
giving her time to forget the person.
but what did she do?
all the yucks things she did.
shameless.despicable.and full of evil motive.
she only wanted to break us up.
and have her for herself.
having being ignored.and rejected.
she still aint gonna give up.
tell me.
if i have the right to feel frustrated.
and angry?
do i?
and now some coward come to say some rubbish here.
without knowing anything thing.
its my feelings.
how she knoe abt them?
i cant take it anymore.
why is everything so absurb?
firstly.to my best senior ever.
i love her to bits.
together.we have found the coward!
now she's got nothing to defend herself.
lies lies lies.
she's not a very good liar isnt she.
she'll freak out again la.
so many pple surround her and confront her.
shakes head*
dont mess ard wif rae yea?
i got my baby.and my bestest senior to back me up.
grins.
i brought my xiaohei to school today!
for my show and tell.
and my class loves her.
they says shes super cute.
hehe.squeezes*
jog 3 rounds again.
recess.wow.
got super agitiated seeing some pple.
what guts to scold me a bitch.
training today was okk.
really feel that i'm not pushing enough.
i'm not running to my best.
its not even 100% at all.
and i just cant seemt o hit a hundred percent.
what has gotten to my speed and everything that i had last year?
OH MAN.
HEE.you must be one of those shameless bitches too la.
too afraid to leave yr name.
leave yr name if you dare.
coward.dare to commend and yet dare not leave yr name.
oh man.
i've just nothing to say.
except that.
you shld go ask that shameless bitch.
to say that we got back together.
it must be such a disappointment for her yea.
cos she lost that damn chance.
and is she gonna do shameless stuffs again to get what she wants.
i'm gonna make sure you'll get hell frm me bitch.
oh man.fancy some pple left such a damn note in my gbk.
oh wells.
shant be too affected by it.
lao wu says lao pang told her i've improved!
hehe.rejoices*
my attitude.my attire and stuff.
great improvement.
thumbs up*
training today was super slack.
all thanks to the heats going on at the stadium.
tay didnt have the time to watch us run.
nor the space to let us run long long.
hehe.rockss.
and i went to tp central wif novia!
woaah.met her in mos.
super qiao.
and she see me back home.
rocks my socks.
:)
i waved goodbye to yesterdays.
wipe the tears you had to face.
my moods like so fragile nowadays.
small little things affect me.
or sometimes nothing at all.
sighs.
why am i like that?
rae is happy.
rae is happy!
shalala~ hehe.
big smiles*
i think today is damn funny.
oh ya!
i cut my hair yesterday.
the on top is like !!
super short.under it can stand.
but i didnt trim the behind la.
yea.and today i style my hair nicely!
and i look more and more like a bung.
oh man.
had to jog 3 rounds.oh oh man.
yea.and after school.
something damn funny can.
shant say abt it.
shhh.
training today rocks.
totally.
i dont know why.
just feel on the top of the world.
super happy.and energetic.
rocks.dances ard*
tay scolded me for my hair!
can you believe it.
when my hair is like not even a bung look at all!!
but i think he's damn funny.
cos he ended it wif:
i know you purposely cut yr hair like that cos you want me to sack you.
funny eh!and i was smiling throughout the training.
todays schedule wasnt that bad.
cos i felt super energetic!
rockss my world man.
yea.thats abt it.rae is happy.
wheeee*
you brought the smile on my face once again.
never knew i could feel like this
like i've never seen the sky before
want to vanish inside your kiss
everyday i love you more and more
listen to my heart can you hear it sing
telling me to give you everything
seasons may change winter to spring
but i love you until the end of time
i have a emaths common test tomorrow.
and i aint studying.
dont have the mood to do so either.
sometimes i really makes me wonder.
how would it feels if i just cut my wrist and die.
would it hurt?
it was that bitch who brought me all these pain.
how i wish there are pple.
pple who wants to protect me.
and get back revenge from her.
my life's so miserable.cos of her.
shameless woman.
if i die.
logically she wld be guilty.
wont that be good.
i lost everything.cos if her.
she must be happpy now.
cut my life into pieces.
nothings worthwhile living for.
and we lost it all.
nothing last forever.
i'm sorry i cant be perfect.
went for speech day this morning.
didnt get to sit wif mingming and gamna after all.
but i love where i sat.
beside pris.
not only that.
i had a clear view of her from where i sat.
i could see her.all i want.
and thats what i did for most of the time.
how much i miss her.
my heart cries for her.
:(
hearing the band play.
its the first time i'm seeing her play her saxophone.
makes me really want to break down and cry.
cry all i want.
how i long for her again.:(
mingming and yvette walked me out.
they headed for town.
to support manel on her flag day.
as for me.i headed for my golf lesson at the club.
we had to putt today!
hehe.and i was made to do pumping as a punishment.
oh man.
went for a swim.been long since i've really seriously exercised.
havent been feeling too good nowadays.
damn sad.damn sad.
life has been bad.
everythings like.
lost.just in a moment.
i long to have everything back.
i long to have you back.
i dont want to cry in my sleep every night.
again.
when you only got a hundred years to live.
i did push for training today.
we had trashing after that.
i promised everyone that i wont get sent to the rc once again.
and they clapped for me.:)
nothing much to write.
life sucks.
i aint smiling.
my heart crys out for you.
cut my life into pieces.
i've reached my last resort.
today just sucks.
i think that woman is super shameless.
she has gotten her motive.
she has won.she has gotten what she wants.
she must be happy.
to exchange my happiness for hers.
dont you think she's shameless.
all the things she done to get what she wants.
wow.thats the only word i can use.
faked a headache during english lesson.
went to the sick bay.was too affected.
no mood to study anymore.
lie on the bed of the sick bay.
and cried.
it was damn painful.
after school was wif my favorite senior in the library.
it was funny.funny enough to cheer me up.
thanks jay for yr presence.:)
really made me want to sing gui ji out loud.
but ill end up crying again.
and some seniors came to join us.
that melissa is damn pretty.and funny too.hehe.
i helped charmain do chinese.
aint i nice?
and that great senior of mine.
took my money out and started giving out.
and she really took 10 bucks of mine ks.
i must get it back from her.
i think that life is damn meaningless now.
perhaps.i'll never lift my head up.to see the world again.
i'll continue to look down at my own feet.
in this way.pple cannot see me.
i cannot see them too.
especially those pple.
who use underhanded means to get what they want.
i shall still remain the low-profile rachel chin.
that i was and am and will be.
there wont be any smile on my face anymore.
i'm missing you damn badly.i cant survive.
Rachel / Rae
24th nov 1989
raeraerae_@hotmail.com
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